


You're Always Little to Me

by MrRhapsodist



Series: Little to Me [1]
Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Age Play, Bedwetting, Best Friends, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, Female Bonding, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Non-Sexual Age Play, Post-Canon, Recreational Drug Use, Sharing a Bed, baby blanket
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 06:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18935290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrRhapsodist/pseuds/MrRhapsodist
Summary: Jen begins to notice that, when all's said and done, Judy never got to be a mommy herself. Maybe, she thinks, Judy needs something else.





	You're Always Little to Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, everyone. It's been a long time since I've written stories on here. I decided to come back because I'm into more dramedy series like "Dead to Me" and "The Good Place." The chemistry between Jen and Judy is amazing, and I wanted to explore it.
> 
> I also wanted to test the waters with writing some ageplay fiction. I don't usually get into it myself, but I've read some amazing fics* on here in the last few months, so I'm giving this a try. Constructive feedback is welcome!
> 
> *FYI, the majority of those fics were written by alabasterclouds!

For the longest time, Jen Harding had her suspicions. She’d be sipping from a wineglass and look out her window at the guesthouse. Through an open window, she’d spot Judy curled up in bed, clutching that baby blanket to her chest and smiling. Okay, so _that_ was odd, Jen thought, but it wasn’t hurting anybody. If anything, she felt like a real weirdo for even watching. Easier to turn away, go back to dicing up tomatoes for dinner that night.

But then there was the bedroom sighting. Judy, who’d been so generous to offer to fold laundry, had fallen asleep on Jen’s bed amid a finished stack of clothes. Jen didn’t mind, even if she was a bit concerned about the young woman’s insomnia.

However, when she got up close, she saw that Judy had curled up into a fetal pose. She’d also stuck her thumb in her mouth and begun sucking away on it.

For the longest time, Jen said nothing. She thought it was nothing. One of Judy’s quirks. Whatever. The boys didn’t say anything, and they weren’t afraid to speak their minds, so clearly it was a non-issue.

But even as they stayed up late to drink wine and watch old Nineties sitcoms together, Jen couldn’t help it. She’d drag Judy into the crook of one arm, and Judy would snuggle right into her side. It reminded Jen of those first few days when she’d brought Charlie home from the hospital, swaddling him in a baby blanket and feeling overprotective of her newborn son. She’d been much the same when Henry came along. And, honestly, seeing Judy get sleepy-eyed on the couch was—in a weird way—kinda adorable.

Things came to a head on a pizza run one summer night. Heading out to the beach, eating out of the box on a giant towel, and taking hits off one of Judy’s joint, Jen found herself unwinding again. It was just like those first few days together, back before all the drama and backstabbing.

Judy giggled when she took a long drag and stared out at the waves rolling in.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Jen asked.

“Uh, nothing.” Judy giggled, louder this time. She passed the joint over, almost dropping it in the sand. “Kinda nice, really.”

“Sounds like you’ve had plenty of this.” Jen shook her head, but she still took a light pull. The pot did wonders for her anxiety, cutting down her nerves into a slow murmur in the back of her head. She stared out at the waves, too, but she couldn’t switch her brain off like Judy.

All she saw was Judy curled up in her room late at night. Clutching a baby blanket.

“Hey,” she began.

Judy looked over. She set down the pizza crust she’d been nibbling on. “Yeah?”

“I don’t...” Jen shook her head. “Oh, God. Never mind. This is gonna be too weird...”

“I think ‘too weird’ is right up my alley.”

“No, I-I shouldn’t pry. It’s not fair...”

“ _Jen..._ ”

“Okay, okay!” Putting down the joint in its plastic bag, Jen wiped her hands on the towel. She blew out another mouthful of smoke, watching it curl away into the night air. Another wave fizzled out into white foam on the sand below her.

“Okay,” she said again. “So... I was gonna ask if you were doing okay mentally. Like, if you’re having more good days than bad?”

“Pretty good.” Judy shrugged and smiled. “Pretty good days.”

“But, I mean...” Jen sighed, raking her fingers through her hair. “I saw you holding your baby blanket earlier. And, I mean, one time, I must’ve been imagining it, but I could’ve _sworn_ I saw you sucking on your thumb, and I—”

She stopped when she heard the sniffle. Looking over, Jen saw her friend’s face crumple into a mask of anguish. Judy pressed her face into her hands, and Jen shuffled over to wrap her in a hug. They huddled against each other as the sea breeze picked up, blowing ash flakes off the joint Jen had laid aside.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Jen stroked the other woman’s hair. “I’m not mad. I’m just worried.”

“Sorry for...” A hitch in her voice made Judy pause. “I’m _so_ sorry for making you worry...”

“You don’t have to be sorry. Just tell me.”

In a slow, sob-choked voice, Judy managed to speak. Jen held her close the whole time.

“It... it came after everything with Steve. After we put it all away. And I... I thought about the little girl I wanted to have, and I started having dreams about her, about being a mommy, and... I _wanted_ to be small like her, too...” Judy shuddered as she let out a long sigh. “I get tired, Jen. I’m tired, like, _all_ the time, and sometimes I just... I just wanna escape. I wanna be someplace where I feel close to that baby girl, even if I gotta be a baby girl, too, and...” She sniffled. “Oh, God, I’m so pathetic.”

“You’re not,” Jen insisted.

“Of course I _fucking_ am,” Judy shot back. She wiped at her eyes. “I’m a mess. I’m no good, and you’re amazing, and...”

“Shh.” Jen stroked her friend’s hair and reached down to rub at her back. She kept it up until Judy’s breathing grew calmer and she melted into Jen once more.

“Come on,” she told Judy. “If we stay any longer on this beach, I’m gonna get sand in my everywhere.”

* * *

On the drive home, they said nothing. Occasionally, at they got closer to their neighborhood, Judy would glance over, and she’d share a cautious smile. Jen held onto her as soon as they walked up the driveway and back through the house.

She put Judy in the guesthouse again, but Jen didn’t leave right away.

As Judy sat down on the bed, fiddling with her hands, Jen looked around the space. So much of Ted was still there, but all his musical equipment and posters were gone. So much of the pain had been cleansed out, helped a little every time Judy burned sage or did one of her yoga things. But this time, when she looked at the bare walls and the small clusters of Judy’s things, she thought back to the giant house that Judy and Steve had once shared. She saw the bright yellow nursery that Judy had maintained all the way through five losses. The crib where her baby should’ve played and slept, and the big armchair where Judy would’ve held her child.

A bizarre thought crossed Jen’s mind. _Judy ought to have something like that here._

“Thanks, by the way...”

The mumbled remark made Jen turn around. Judy stared at her hands, still picking at her nails.

“Thanks,” she said again, “for, uh, being so kickass. You deserve all the brownie points, Jen.”

“So do you.” Jen hesitated before going to sit down on the bed. She took one of Judy’s hands and squeezed it. “ _All_ the brownie points. And all the bright bouncing babies you can handle.”

Judy sniffled, and Jen worried she’d said the wrong thing. But then the other woman lifted her head, and those eyes were shining through the tears.

In that moment, Jen knew what she needed.

What they both needed.

She leaned in and tilted Judy’s head down, kissing the top of her hair. Judy laughed, and Jen wrapped her arms around her again, letting her friend’s head rest on her bosom. Judy snuggled right in again. The irony wasn’t lost on Jen. She wasn’t much of a hugger, but Judy made her want to be one. And Judy gave out plenty of hugs, but she never received them as much. That thought made Jen smile, and she patted the other woman’s back.

“Here,” she whispered. Reaching over, Jen picked up the baby blanket. She draped one side of it on her shoulder and put the other end across Judy’s chest. “Maybe this’ll help you sleep?”

“Yeah, maybe...” Judy’s eyes were already half-closed. She grabbed a handful of the blanket and took a long sniff. “Mmm, it’s nice.”

“Freshly laundered,” Jen reminded her.

“Then you’re nice for remembering.”

Jen snorted. “Like I’m gonna let you fall asleep with a mildew-soaked blanket.”

“See, _that’s_ the Jen I know and love...”

They stayed that way for a long time. When Judy finally fell asleep, Jen left her curled up on the bed and turned out the lights. She crept quietly so as not to wake her.

Judy was still clutching the baby blanket. And smiling.

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Jen would catch Judy going through more emotional states. Smiling and laughing with the boys. Grim-faced when she made pancakes in the morning. Sitting alone in the guesthouse and clutching that baby blanket in her lap. Jen did her best to manage things. They drank a little less wine because, as she told Judy, “It’s fucking delicious, but also one hell of a depressant, like we need anymore of _that_ around here.”

One night, when Henry was fast asleep and Charlie was staying the night at a friend’s house, Jen saw the lights turn on in Judy’s room. Wrapping herself up in a robe, she paused on the threshold to the backyard.

The light stayed on.

Grumbling through the dark, Jen almost tripped on wet grass. But she made it to the guesthouse, where she heard a distinct sob through the door.

She knocked. “Judy? Hey, you awake?”

There was a long pause, followed by a muffled, “...I’m fine!”

“No, you’re not. I know a crier when I hear one.”

“Please, don’t...” Another sob. “I-I’ll be fine, I promise...”

Shaking her head, Jen reached for the doorknob. She knew that tone from when her boys had screwed up and didn’t want anyone else to know.

When she came in, the guest bed where Judy slept had been torn asunder. Sheets were tossed around, and her pillow had been hurled halfway across the room. Jen noted the way that Judy sat cross-legged on the floor, covering her face with her hands. Her baby blanket was there, too, but half of it was suddenly tossed over a spot on the bed.

Jen sniffed the air, and she sighed.

Being a mother, she knew that smell. That wet bedsheet smell at two in the morning.

“Hon...” Jen crouched down beside her friend. She traced a hand over her cheek. “Hey, this is not the end of the world.”

“I’m so stupid,” Judy whimpered.

“You’re not. You just had an accident.” Jen smirked a little. “Now, if you’d decided to use the bed _instead_ of a toilet? Then that’s pretty fuckin’ stupid. I mean, even Henry knows better.”

Judy laughed, but it came out as a sob, too. Jen hugged her, knowing well that the wetness in the sheets would soak into her robe at any minute. She didn’t mind it too much. She sat there and stroked Judy’s hair, hushing her and pushing the clean end of the baby blanket into her hands. The texture alone was enough to soothe that girl.

“Hey,” she whispered. “I’ll clean up here. You go inside and use my bathroom, okay?”

“Okay,” Judy whispered.

“And don’t use my _good_ lingerie either.” Jen snorted. “I’ve got old shirts and sweatpants you can borrow this time.”

Judy giggled, putting a hand over her mouth. “Yes, ma’am!”

They helped each other stand up, and then they went to work.

* * *

Half an hour later, Judy lay curled on her side in the master bedroom. Jen had wrapped her up in her arms, willing the poor girl to go to sleep already. But the baby blanket that had become Judy’s safeguard was in the washer with the bedsheets, so there was no hope for that.

In the darkness, Judy sighed.

“What’s up?” Jen asked. She leaned onto one elbow to look down at her friend.

“Mmm.” Judy shook her head.

“Ahh, bad case of the ‘mmm’s.’ I’ve been there.”

“Shut up...”

“Make me.” Jen reached down and tickled Judy’s stomach.

Judy trapped a giggle behind one hand and snuggled into Jen’s chest again. They laughed and rolled together in bed.

As they finally settled down, Jen stared up at the ceiling. She liked this. She liked having someone to share her bed. It didn’t have to be with the promise of sex either. Proximity, she decided, was a good thing, too. And dammit all, but Judy really was too cute. She smiled and laughed and came up tail-a-wagging like a human golden retriever.

“I think we both need this,” she finally said.

“Need this?” Judy frowned, lifting her head.

“This.” Jen locked their fingers together and pressed them to her chest. “You’re, like, having a rough time. I get it. We’ve been there for different reasons, but, I mean, screw it. It’s real. So, like, what if we just did this more often? Got close and cuddly?”

Judy stared. “Jen, I mean, don’t think I don’t appreciate this, but, like, if you’re trying to be my substitute mommy or whatever—”

“Would that be so bad?”

The question hung in the air between them. Nothing moved in the bedroom for a long time, except for maybe Jen’s heartbeat going a mile a minute.

She watched Judy’s face crumple again. Tears slipped out the corner of her eye, and Jen hugged her tight. Judy sniffled, and Jen kissed the top of her head like she’d done on the beach weeks before. She heard crashing waves, and she remember the aroma of weed and lukewarm pizza as the two women had clung to each other that night.

“I could be your little one?” Judy asked. Wiping away tears, she wore a teasing grin. “Like, you’d really do that for me? Burp, feed, and change me?”

“The whole nine yards.” A sigh escaped Jen’s lips, and she kissed the top of her friend’s head again. The sheets rustled as she found a more comfortable spot to lie down, supporting Judy’s weight against her shoulder. “Now, go to sleep, kiddo. We’ll talk about it in the morning, yeah?”

“Yeah...” Judy closed her eyes and nestled herself into Jen’s neck. “G’night...”

Jen couldn’t help herself. She kissed Judy right on the forehead and settled in for the night.


End file.
